Hasty Ruminations

Stress: Your Body's Way of Messing You Up

2007-02-07T10:29:00.000-05:00

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The defense Department has an embiggened budget for next year, but the Navy has been told to cut back. Fire 25,000 or so; slow down ship and weapons procurement.

Because the Taliban isn’t using submarines to attack us, unfortunately.

The news today provides one of the first to go: Lisa Nowak, a Navy Captain (O-6, like a full Colonel) who was one of the women to graduate from the Naval Academy in Annapolis in 1985. She went on to test pilot school, post graduate school, marriage, three kids, and a space flight as an astronaut mission specialist.

Oh, and attempted kidnapping and shoddily-alleged murder in a non-romantic love triangle with another astronaut and a woman ten years younger, a Zoomie (sorry, an Air Force officer).

Without this, she was a contender for Admiral. For PR billets, recruiting command and non-operational stuff.

She lists her hobbies as piano playing, bicycling, running, skeet shooting, sailing, gourmet cooking, rubber stamps, gardening, reading and crossword puzzles. Plus being married with three kids.

Stress? Well, for sure, yes. Her whole life focused not on her family, but on a 13-day space shuttle ride where she got to use the robot arm some. There are 100 astronauts in the pool, and very few shuttle flights scheduled before the program (gratefully) goes away in 2010 or so. So, she is done in space. After NASA, she is done in the Navy since she no longer has leadership or war fighting skills. I suspect that her husband lost it when the court sent cops out with a restraining order for Lisa to stay away from the younger Air Force Captain Shipman, prompting thrown dishes and a separation.

We went to the same school, which teaches everyone how to cope with stress, 24/7. She obviously went over the edge. I don’t believe the attempted murder charge for a minute. To me, the only fair charge is assault with a can of Mace. She apparently didn’t even violate the court order, which is valid in Houston, not Orlando. Shipman has now also filed for one in Orlando.

I feel bad for Lisa, and worse for her family.

In a Nutshell

2007-02-06T14:09:00.000-05:00

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(Click picture to enlargen).

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"Oh, Lord, your sea is so big, and my boat is so small..."

...and slow.
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Senator Joe Biden

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Just let your kids do whateeeever they want to do...

Read Carefurry

2007-02-05T15:16:00.000-05:00

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German Police Find 6 Bodies in Chinese Restaurant

Thank goodness, this time the bodies were human.

The last time I saw a headline like this, the bodies belonged to various cats, and they were hanging in the kitchen waiting to join the Moo Goo Gai Pan. Newport, RI, about 1973.

Too cold!

2007-02-05T10:15:00.003-05:00

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It was -17 °F this morning at the campground.

I took Lacy outside for a quick bathroom break. After 90 seconds of dawdling (I swear, sometimes that doggie wants to read a magazine while she is relieving herself), I had to take her back in, un-relieved, because her ankles and toes no longer bent properly in the cold, and she was awkwardly limping.

If you're listening, Mr. Ex-VP Al Gore, thank you for global warming! Not a second too soon, either.

Now when, exactly, can I expect to FEEL some warming?! And Lacy, too?

Headlines

2007-02-02T10:39:00.000-05:00

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Sometimes, the headline says it all; we don't even have to read the article.

Here are some current ones I found:

Check out CNN.com, ABC.com, and CBS.com

“Libby Loses Fight Over White House Tapes” – Man, deja-like-VU.

“Woman Had 93 Pound Tumor; Doctor’s Clueless” – Like “dog bites man”, a clueless Doctor is not news.

“'First Gentleman': Mrs. President's Worst Enemy?” - I cannot improve on this one!

“Mayor Sorry For Affair With Aide's Wife” – Actually, sorrier that it’s in the news. This is really disturbing, because it is a heterosexual sex scandal – in SAN FRANCISCO! I didn’t think they ALLOWED man-and-woman sex in San Francisco!

“Global Warming Likely Our Fault, Scientists Say” – With so much guilt, they must all be Catholics.

Self Inflicted

2007-02-01T12:41:00.000-05:00

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Apparently under quota for traffic tickets, the local Police Chief wrote a ticket for a guy who passed a stopped, flashing school bus. It cost $235 and included four points on the driver’s license.

The offending guy was the Chief of Police. He said he was driving to work when he got distracted by a truck stopping on one side of the street.

Maybe, stopping for the school bus…

When he realized what he had done, he wrote himself the ticket. His IQ is better, now. Infraction Quota.

The other IQ is a different story.

This story was picked up by the local ABC station. Who told them, I wonder?

This is in Kewaskum WI, a town between Milwaukee and Oshkosh. Maybe this guy is also the Judge, so he could let himself off with a warning; or lock himself up for contempt. It's like a one man band!

The local bank wants the chief to drop by. It’s been a slow month, and if he will only arrest himself for robbery, they could sure use the insurance money.

Jail time would give him a chance to work on that correspondence course to become a lawyer.

Behind the Scenes

2007-01-31T17:45:00.000-05:00

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This is a picture of Stew Magoo conducting a job interview for a new assistant.

Stew is on the right.

Well, he really is, but we had to crop the picture a little to fit.

You understand.

She: "Excuse me, I am here for the job interview.

He: "OK. You're hired."

2007-01-30T16:08:00.000-05:00

Cutting Off Your Nose...

2007-01-30T16:04:00.000-05:00

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... To Spite Your Own Face
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The State of California (Lala Land to you and me) is having a bang-up legislative session this month!

They recently passed a law prohibiting the state from buying electricity from any generating company which isn’t environmentally “like super OK, dude!”.

Now, they have banned the use of perchloroethylene, the most used dry cleaning fluid in the, like, world. It’s gotta be phased out starting next year.

In the electricity thing, it’s a classic case of “Cutting Off Your Nose To Spite Your Own Face”.

In the second case… well, everyone’s clothes will stink since they cannot dry clean them; but if you cut off your nose already, well, no problemmo, dude!

Reunited Family, Now Change His Name

2007-01-29T13:10:00.000-05:00

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St. Louis has had enough bad news, with the kidnapping of teenaged boys. And some good news, with their return. Now here’s a nice story, about a long lost dog who is finally home.

Last Friday, the Barczewski family looked at the skinny, graying Golden Retriever. They were sure he was Cujo. (They call him a Golden, but in the picture he sure looks like a Yellow Labrador Retriever, like Lacy! But, the article said he had to be shaved to remove matted hair, so maybe that's why his hair is so short.)

When he disappeared from their yard in 2000, he was seven years old. But the heart-shaped patch of white hair on his head, the white hair on his toes, and the way he rubbed up against people like a cat when saying hi were sure signs.

Now maybe they should change that unfortunate name!

Read the rest of the story, and the reactions of the two kids in the family, here.

Good Writing, Part II

2007-01-26T09:58:00.000-05:00

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I am happy to see that the Kansas City Star still uses articles from reporters who know how to write well. Please see the article below, and then my comments. You may or may not agree with the thoughts in the article; we are looking at writing here.

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Durbin calls Cheney 'delusional'
By Margaret Talev
McClatchy Newspapers [Owners of the KC Star]

WASHINGTON - Vice President Dick Cheney is "delusional" about what's happening in Iraq, the Democrats' top Senate vote-counter said Thursday.

That harsh assessment by Senate Majority Whip Dick Durbin, D-Ill., two days after President Bush sought bipartisan comity in his State of the Union address, underscores how difficult achieving that may be.

Moreover, it illuminates how many in Congress especially blame Cheney for the president's insistence on building up troop levels in Iraq rather than pulling out of the sectarian violence there after nearly four years and redeploying troops to Afghanistan and other terrorist trouble spots.

During the Senate Democratic leadership team's weekly briefing with reporters, Durbin cited a television interview from a day earlier in which Cheney told CNN "there's been a lot of success" in Iraq and rejected the idea that the situation was beyond control.

"To have Vice President Cheney suggest that we have had a series of enormous successes in Iraq is delusional," Durbin said. "I don't understand how he can continue to say those things while the president calls them 'slow failure'."

That's the term President Bush used in a separate television interview earlier this month, saying that's where the situation would be headed unless another 21,500 troops were injected.
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Margaret Talev

Margaret Talev works in the Washington DC bureau of McClatchy, which is the second largest owners of newspapers in the country. She has worked for The Sacramento Bee, the Los Angeles Times and The Tampa Tribune.

I think it was well written, and it tells what happened – not what should be, or what could be, but what happened and what is.

That is the same lesson the Star taught to a young cub reporter in the winter of 1917-1918. He wanted either to enlist in the Army for World War I, or to learn to write. His father let him go to the Star instead of to Europe. His name was Ernest Hemingway, and they taught him well.

http://www.ernest.hemingway.com/reporter.htm

What do you think?

Read This

2007-01-24T15:36:00.000-05:00

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Otto Penzler makes reading fun, when he writes like this.

http://www.nysun.com/article/46017

Indulge yourself.

Superbowl

2007-01-24T15:13:00.002-05:00

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Got some money to burn? BIG money?

Exact seats may vary-locations to be comparable
35
2
$7475.00 each

LL PREMIUM
$7590.00 each

35 YARD LINE
$8050.00 each

$8050.00 each

CLUB GOAL-20
$8050.00 each

CLUB LEVEL GOAL
$8050.00 each

VIP LEGEND
6 PERSON LUXURY SUITE
$8050.00 each

LOW LEVEL PREM
$8340.00 each

25 YD LINE CLUB SEATS
$9145.00 each

141 best seat numbers by 142
21
4 2
$9200.00 each

CLUB LEVEL PREM
$9200.00 each

113
$9555.00 each

114
12
4 2
$9775.00 each

143
11
4 2
$9775.00 each

14310
6 4 2
$10065.00 each

241
$10335.00 each

19TH ROW FROM FIELD 40 YARDLINE LOWER LEVEL
$11445.00 each

50 YD LINE/ IN HAND / NO ODD LOTS
$11500.00 each
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This is just a sampling of Superbowl ticket prices. Parking across the street will set you back another $100+.

I think I'll watch it at home. Otherwise, I'd miss the commercials.

Tarot or Not Tarot

2007-01-23T15:54:00.000-05:00

You are The Sun

Happiness, Content, Joy.

The meanings for the Sun are fairly simple and consistent.

Young, healthy, new, fresh. The brain is working, things that were muddled come clear, everything falls into place, and everything seems to go your way.

The Sun is ruled by... well, the Sun, of course. This is the light that comes after the long dark night, Apollo to the Moon's Diana. A positive card, it promises you your day in the sun. Glory, gain, triumph, pleasure, truth, success. As the moon symbolized inspiration from the unconscious, from dreams, this card symbolizes discoveries made fully consciously and when you are wide awake. You have an understanding and enjoyment of science and mathematics, beautifully constructed music, and carefully reasoned philosophy. It is a card of intellect, clarity of mind, and feelings of youthful energy.

Which Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

State of the Union

2007-01-22T15:39:00.000-05:00

Woodrow Wilson broke the tradition.

He delivered his State of the Union messages to Congress in person.

Before that, only Presidents George Washington and John Adams had delivered the report in person. From 1801 to 1912, it was delivered as a written report, without a speech.

If I were in the same amount of trouble that George W. Bush is in, I would return to the written report method this year.

I would make it short. Maybe just bullet points:

Iraq - not so good.
Rummy - gone.
Health care - whoa!
Deficit - well, ...
Economy - not too bad.

Then, I would get outta town and lay low for a few days.

Oh, My Gosh!

2007-01-22T14:21:00.000-05:00

Snow Tow

Remember how John Belushi used to say "Holy Shit-ta!!", in Animal House? That's what this clip is all about.

They LOST Money?!

2007-01-22T12:33:00.001-05:00

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Apple just announced great Ipod and MAC sales, huge profits and robust forecasts – and their stock went down.

What?

- MAC shipments increased 28 percent to 1.61 million machines last quarter. That was fewer than the 1.75 million computers Wall Street analysts had anticipated. Not what Apple said they’d sell; what guys like Gene Munster, an analyst at Piper Jaffray & Co. in Minneapolis, THOUGHT they should make. Strike One.

- Apple said iPod music player shipments will jump 50 percent jump to a record 22.1 million units. Sales for the current second quarter ending in March will be as much as $4.9 billion, Apple said in a statement, shy of the $5.23 billion average analyst estimate compiled by Bloomberg. Strike Two.

- Apple forecast profit of as much as 56 cents a share, compared with estimates for 60 cents. Strike Three.

Apple stock shot up 11% last week after the iPhone was announced. Now, it’s dropped 4.5% because of the three strikes.

Note: Apple did great, but sorry; the actual performance did not match overinflated Wall Street estimates. Let’s say, COULD not match.

So that guy Munster raised his price target to $124 from $99 today, saying the stock's decline is a "great buying opportunity.''

It sure is: for him and for his buddies, who made the stock lose value by overinflating expectations so that they could get rich. Maybe we can call that iFraud.

It’s so obvious.

I thought we had the SEC and laws about that…

The Doomsday Clock

2007-01-19T11:25:00.000-05:00

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The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists started their Doomsday Clock in 1947. It shows how close the world is to nuclear destruction. Sort of.

It started at 7 minutes to midnight in 1947. Now, amidst much fanfare, they just moved the minute hand to five minutes to midnight. During Russia’s development of their nuclear weapons in the 1950’s, it sat at two minutes to midnight. In 1991, it moved back to 17 minutes to midnight when the superpowers agreed on nuke reductions.

Two minutes = sixty years. Uh-huh.

These guys are not exactly tuned in. First of all, half of their audience does not know how to move the hands of a clock; they have always been digital. Why are they using a prop from Back to the Future?

Second, they are now including global warming, tsunamis, and petty dictators in their nuclear worry stew. If I am going to worry about the flesh melting off my bones, I need to focus on The Bomb.

Third is that klunky name. How do we address a letter to them: Dear Mr. Bulletin?!

Steven Hawking spoke at their last meeting, using his Speak-O-Machine. You know, the guy who got black holes all wrong. He said so.

These guys are too shrill, and too flamboyant. I think it would be good to move the Doomsday Clock to midnight, thus blowing up the members of the Bulletin of Atomic Scientists and allowing the rest of us some … rest.

Johnny Depp

2007-01-18T11:57:00.000-05:00

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I thought of writing a kind of tribute to Johnny Depp, but People Magazine did a much better job than I could on this Blogger-infested blog.

I liked Depp's performance in Pirates: Curse of the Black Pearl, and in Finding Neverland. I am looking forward to Pirates: Dead Man's Chest (which my daughter gave to me for Christmas), and in the 2007 release of the movie version of Sweeny Todd.

He owns a villa in France which he bought for $2,000,000. He decided to leave during the French riots. In 2004, he bought an island in the Bahamas, and as of last July he moved the family there from France. He is keeping the French villa and the house in the U.S., but the Bahamas, he says, will be the primary home.

Makes sense: Pirates #3 is due to start filming next year, probably in the Bahamas again.

What Happened?

2007-01-17T12:24:00.000-05:00

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A future news story.

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Dateline: November 5th, 2008

Washington, DC

The only word to describe the universal reaction to yesterday’s U.S. Presidential and Congressional elections is: “surprise.”

Two words? How about “shock” and “awe”?

Looking back, everyone knew that President Bush’s cavalier, cowboy-style handling of the Iraq war lost the Republicans the mid-term elections in 2006. Insiders expected a chastened White House really to change course, to cooperate with Congress, to listen to the public, to work toward what Nixon called “Peace with honor.”

Instead, the lame duck administration continued to shore up Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Al-Maliki (remember him?), and to make excuses for him when Iraqis failed to address, let alone to defeat, the insurgency. The surge of additional troops went on for the past two years, and there still is no end to the war in sight.

That alone explains why two Democrats, a liberal white woman, Hillary Rodham Clinton, and a liberal black man, Barack Obama, did so stunningly well in the elections yesterday…..

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Remember where you read it first!

Inconvenient? Naaah....

2007-01-16T17:31:00.000-05:00

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Former Vice President Al Gore will be presenting his movie, "An Inconvenient Truth", in all of the high schools in Scotland this year.

It will be kicked off at an event in Glasgow, where Mr. Gore will join former U.N. Chief Weapons Inspector Hans Blix. Blix, you'll recall, was the one who could not find any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. When it comes to big, threatening things, he seems to have a lot in common with the ex-VP.

Mr. Gore's passionate environmental program has been called a "crusade". Folks in the Middle East say that he should spend time in Scotland rather than Saudi Arabia or Kuwait, if THAT's the kind of language he is going to use. Crusades are not very popular in that part of the world.

The first school to get the movie in Scotland is reportedly Sooth Park. I am serial.

He will surely bring the students up to date on that other global threat, Man-Bear-Pig.

Iraqi Justice

2007-01-15T11:46:00.000-05:00

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I will leave to the historians whether the verdict on Saddam and his two advisers - death by hanging - was just.

The two assistants were hanged today. Reportedly, Saddam's half brother was decapitated in the process. According to experts, that can happen during hanging if the length of the rope is too long.

It sounds like an instantaneous death to me. The Suniis are up in arms, violently complaining of the barbarism. Even some Shiites are upset, again.

Before we go wringing our hands, let's remember Nicholas Berg, Daniel Pearl, Paul Johnson, Gene Armstrong, Jack Hensley and other Americans who were beheaded by middle east terrorists. On purpose, in a manner meant to be very slow and very painful.

Rodham-Clinton Flying to Iraq

2007-01-12T13:32:00.000-05:00

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Following Bush's speech, Hillary is on her way to Iraq.

That brings to mind the great Gary Larson Far Side cartoon:

Don' Cry For Me, Argentina

2007-01-12T13:07:00.000-05:00

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A judge has ordered the arrest of Isabel Peron, who was married to Juan Peron after Evita died and later became Presidente.

VOTE:

() This is a woman.

() This is a man.

() Too close to call.

() Who cares?

New Voices Heard

2007-01-11T17:35:00.000-05:00

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Things happen fast.

Madonna has now surfaced (like a sea monster, from the middle of the Indian Ocean) to defend Rosie in her dispute with The Donald. Well, let's hope that puts a cap on it, shall we?

And, up until last night, I was convinced that Jimmy Carter, a fellow alumnus of Annapolis, had a lock on being the worst modern president. Last night, after watching TV, I realized that Jimmy now may have some competition.

I gotta get me some tabloids...

Idiots Out, Clothes Pins In

2007-01-09T15:16:00.000-05:00

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New Jersey is thinking about cutting the word 'idiot' from its constitution.

State Senate President Richard Codey actually introduced a bill to eliminate a section that says "no idiot or insane person should enjoy the right of suffrage".

Codey, a Democrat, was previously acting governor of New Jersey. He said that the term "idiot" is "outdated, vague, offensive to many and may be subject to misinterpretation."

Also, it tends to be used only by Republicans.

In related news, New York says that the bad smell Monday that covered Manhattan “like a sheet” came from … yep, you guessed it, New Joisey. New Jerseians answered the accusation with clothes pins attached to their middle fingers.

Possible Source of the Bad Smell over NYC:

1. Hillary opened an advance copy of Bush’s Iraq plan in Newark airport.

2. Monday washday at Tony Soprano’s after two three-day weekends.

3. They finally found Jimmy Hoffa’s body.

4. Rosie and The Donald took their feud outside.

5. Paris Hilton and Britney Spears both got out of the same limo simultaneously, sans culottes.

Gotta Feel A Whole Lot Safer Now

2007-01-08T13:34:00.000-05:00

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Authority Run Amok

A U.S. college student was imprisoned for three weeks for trying to take condoms filled with flour onto an airplane.

Police and homeland security officials thought the flour was an illegal drug. It took three (3) weeks to test the flour.

The condoms were a joke among students at Bryn Mawr College in Philly. The student, Janet Lee, 21, was taking them home to Los Angeles.

She sued the city, which just settled.

For $180,000.

Kids' View of Science

2007-01-05T15:44:00.000-05:00

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from Crosswalk.com

Q: What is one horsepower?
A: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.

- You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.

- When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

- When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.

- While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.

- Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

- A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

- Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils; others preferred to be oil.

- Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

- Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

- We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

- I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

- Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

- Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue will kill the strongest man.

- Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

- Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

- It is so hot in some parts of the world that the people there have to live other places.

Judges Whine For More Pay

2007-01-05T15:41:00.000-05:00

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Chief Justice John Roberts has joined Associate Justice Antonin Scalia and others in bemoaning the “paltry” pay of federal judges. These poor guys and dolls are only pulling in between $165,000 and $220,000 per year. At that rate, they say we cannot attract the brightest lawyers to be judges.

Scalia says a judge in southern New York State cannot even raise a family on that small salary. Well, at least not to Tony Soprano’s standards, I guess.

Scalia goes on vacations with “Quick Draw” Cheney, who picks up the tab, so Scalia skates free.

Bunk!

Maybe it’s more important for the prospective judge to weigh his motivation. Does he want the big bucks, flashy corporate image of Johnny Cochran; or does he want to serve the country in the Jeffersonian tradition?

So serve for a while, quit, and go back to the big bucks. We could use a little turnover in the judge ranks.

Consider the mess we have with jury selection. Read a typical story here: http://www.cantkeepquiet.com/ . Do these judges really deserve a pay raise?

Shame on Roberts and Scalia. They should be offering to give some back for the junior enlisted folks in the military who have to pay taxes, while living at poverty levels. We call it “federal SERVICE”, and that includes the greedy judges.

This makes me question their judgment.

How I Spent My Christmas Vacation

2007-01-03T13:17:00.000-05:00

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Over the Christmas break, Lacy and I travelled to visit with my aunt’s family, and then to home base in North Carolina.

There was no reason to haul the fifth wheel trailer, Big Easy, down to North Carolina. I was concerned that it might freeze up in the Chicago winter while I traveled to North Carolina. It has great insulation, and a very good hot air furnace run by propane. In moderate weather, with temperatures above 40°F, one of the two 40 pound propane tanks will last two weeks. But, if we get a cold snap with daily temperatures below freezing, that drops to four days, and the empty tank does not automatically switch over to the full one. To prevent freezing the water and waste tanks (which would be a very costly problem), I called a gas company to deliver a big tank of propane. They brought this monster, hooked it up to my system with copper tubing, and filled it with 400 pounds (100 gallons) of propane. When Lacy and I left two days before Christmas, I set the trailer temperature to 50°F, and it was surprisingly warm when we returned just after midnight on New Year’s Day. It took only 15 minutes to get up to 73°F.

Stew Magoo from Get Stewed invited me down to St. Charles, on the Fox River in Illinois, where he and his wife Jen were visiting from Atlanta with Jen’s parents. I had met Stew last year, but not Jen, so Lacy and I headed down to St. Charles. It’s a great 1800’s town about 20 minutes north of my high school. We met not only the lovely Jen, but also their two Old English sheepdogs, whom the Magoos refer to appropriately as “muppets”. Lacy did her best “bark-bark-BARK” speech, over and over again, during our little walk along (and into) the river. The Muppets are veddy propah English upper class doggies, who kept their comments to themselves. They never barked, woofed, or growled, though there was the occasional sniffle (as Winston Churchill and Maggie Thatcher were wont to do). I can imagine their muppet-to-muppet discussion after we left: “Rawtha excitable Labrador retriever, don’t you know?” “Well, yes, those foreigners, you know, from a lower station and all that. Shedding yellow HAIRS everywhere, after all?!” “Rawther!” The muppets were very well behaved, and delightful; and the lovely Jen is truly a Saint-in-Making! It was a much too short, intensely fun evening. I had to leave much too early to get 60 miles north to the restaurant where my sister, her two daughters and her young grandson waited for me.

When it was time to leave town, we packed up the truck, and attached the six-by-twelve foot cargo trailer to the hitch. I had to take the trailer to North Carolina, to move my stuff out of storage in downtime Durham. The storage place was being “eminent domained” by the city, to build a new courthouse. I’ve been using the trailer as a garage, so I had to unload some stuff from it into the RV, and reload it with some stuff to drop off at home.

Two days before Christmas, we settled in at my aunt’s house in south surburban Chicago. Unfortunately, the bedroom I stayed in has a through-the-wall air conditioner, and one night the winter cover blew off. I have had a terrible cold, which started that night, for the last ten days. I hope that the Robitussin and Sudafed companies don’t file bankruptcy this week.

I got a great bunch of Christmas presents for my kids, brothers and sisters and their familes, as well as my aunts, uncles and cousins. UPS got the distant ones delivered on time, and I handled the local ones.

We had a very nice Christmas Eve with my aunt and cousins, and a great Christmas Day at the home of another aunt and uncle. I was able to go to church at my childhood parish, both for Sunday and for Christmas Day, and it brought back a lot of memories.

We left Chicago on the 26th, and drove into Tennessee before stopping for a nap. The Big Ride is very comfortable with the diesel engine idling, the seats tilted back and a pillow under my head. We got a good five hour nap, and an early start the next day. We pulled in at home by 8:00 am.

There were a couple of problems to get fixed – the upstairs furnace was down with a bad igniter, and the water service had been shut off at the curb without the knowledge of the utility. Maybe my brother got someone with a special wrench to do that when he left, under the cover of darkness last August. I don't know; he didn't even call me. We may never know. Anyway, by 5:00 pm everything was working again.

The house was not in bad shape overall. I am facing quite a bit of work to dispose of my brother’s leavings – furniture, clothes and trash. He unplugged the refrigerator and propped the doors open as I had asked; I just wish he had also remembered to throw out the food inside the ‘fridge. He apparently left in some hurry, without cleaning his rooms or bathroom. He had just turned 50 years old, and he felt his biological clock calling him urgently back to Chicago. He said so. No kidding. Ah, well.

On Thursday, I unloaded the storage room in Durham, and filled the back of the truck and the trailer. I moved it all to home in one trip, and had it stored by 4:00 pm. I was really happy to get that all done so quickly.

That left Friday to relax, and to get ready for the Navy - Boston College bowl game on Saturday.

Navy had a pretty good football team when Roger Staubach played for us in the 1963-1964-1965 seasons. I got there in 1966, and Navy football was poor from 1966 until about 2002. Now, we are good enough to get bowl game invitations again. I went to the Navy - Colorado Poinsettia Bowl in San Diego last December, and now to the Meinecke Car Care bowl in Charlotte, NC, this year.

BC is ranked 23 in the nation, and they played a much better game of football than Colorado did last year. We won last year (51-30), and we led BC for three quarters this year. In the fourth quarter, three seconds left on the clock, BC has the ball on the Navy 37 yard line. The score is Navy 24 – BC 22. BC kicks the field goal, and wins 25-24. I hate to lose, but let me tell you, that game was some fine football! I am glad that I didn’t have to defend against Navy’s triple option. Neither team had much of a passing game, but I got dizzy trying to watch all of the laterals, flips and handoffs! I met some other alumni and classmates, and we had a great time.

Before the game, the Navy Brigade of Midshipmen marches on and welcomes the opponents by tipping their hats to them. Then, they about face to the Navy side and they give a Navy cheer. All of this time, cannons are firing, the Navy band is playing, and to everyone’s surprise, two Navy F/A-18 jets flew over the stadium at 500’ altitude, 600 mph! Man, your heart jumps up into your throat! To the alumni standing near me in the stands, I exclaimed, “Man, this is such a shame!” They looked at me as if I had lost my mind – what a proud, patriotic moment; how could it be a shame? I explained, “Such a clear day, such pagentry – SADDAM IS MISSING ALL OF THIS!” Yes, he had been executed that morning in Baghdad. It took about 1.5 microseconds for the stands in my area to dissolve in uproarious laughter. THAT was fun!

Lacy and I left the next morning for Chicago, and we drove through North Carolina, Virginia, West Virginia, Ohio, Indiana and Illinois without a nap, arriving at 2:00 am.

Monday was, of course, a serious day of rest.

Anagrams

2006-12-21T17:00:00.000-05:00

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Here's something to do during the football game commercials.

Anagrams.

I've solved the first one, to get you started.

Of course, some are easier than others...

They are all names of people. Some real people, some fictitious people.

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RAFFLE CLOWN ENJOINS LIMIT

. William Jefferson Clinton

CREDENZA COOLIE
. Condoleeza Rice

NERDY RICH BEACH
. Richard B. Cheney

OPEN EPIC DEBT
. Pope Benedict

AERATED SILLY WINES
. Walter Elias Disney

ARCHAIC NERDS EJECT QUIPS
. President Jacques Chirac

EDGEWISE WITH HORN
. Dwight Eisenhower

ARRANGED LOAN
. Ronald Reagan

RED HOG KIN
. King Herod

CASUAL TANS
. Santa Claus

OBOE CENSER GEEZER
. Ebeneezer Scrooge

CANCELED SHIRKS
. Charles Dickens

WADDED TRENDY KNEE
. Edward Ted Kennedy

WARHEAD DON
. Howard Dean

NOSY PELICAN
. Nancy Pelosi

WINCHING EGRET
. Newt Gingerich

RISKY GREEN SHIN
. Henry Kissinger

UNCORKS BALLAD
. Sandra Bullock

PRAYER TROTH
. Harry Potter

SEAWATER MINX
. Maxine Waters

HIJACK CALM NOSE

. Michael Jackson
----------------

C'mon, I know that you can get SOME of them!

Swearing In

2006-12-21T14:52:00.000-05:00

Keith Ellison

Congressional Flap: Swearing In A Muslim Congressman

You’ve no doubt read about Rep. Virgil Goode, R-Va, telling his constituents that unless his immigration reforms are adopted, many more Muslims will immigrate to this country, get elected to Congress and demand to be sworn in on the Koran, not on the Bible.

Like Keith Ellison, just elected to Congress from Minnesota and the first (known) Muslim Congressman.

Goode said the U.S. needs to stop illegal immigration "totally" and reduce legal immigration.

Goode added: "I fear that in the next century we will have many more Muslims in the United States if we do not adopt the strict immigration policies that I believe are necessary to preserve the values and beliefs traditional to the United States of America and to prevent our resources from being swamped."

Coupla points:

1. Ellison didn’t immigrate. He was born here.
2. Using the Bible, the Koran or the phone book is not allowed during the “actual” swearing in, on the floor of the House. It is permitted in private, photo-op swearing in’s, which don’t count.
3. People are demanding an apology for Virgil's opinion. I don’t think anyone in America should have to apologise for his opinion.
4. Whether Ellison uses the Bible or the Koran doesn’t matter. When they made him a lawyer, Bill Clinton swore on a Bible, and thanks to lying as President he was disbarred. Mark Foley was sworn in on a Bible obtained for him by a male Congressional Page whom Foley was likely oogling. Tom DeLay, Newt Gingrich, Rostenkowski, Murtha, Agnew, Nixon – the list of miscreants who first swore solemn oaths is like a Washington seating chart.

It doesn’t matter, people. They are gonna do what they want to do, despite any oath. The only oath that counts is the one they swear at their felony trial, later.

I swear.

Artistic Respite

2006-12-20T15:30:00.000-05:00

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Just a short respite from your Christmas shopping, traveling, twinkling eyes and bowls full of jelly.

This is called, "Peace on Earth". (Awww... *sigh*)
Alternatively, "Useless Cat."

And this one is, "There's Nuttin' Like Bein' A Super Model. I'm Super Serial."

That is all. Resume seasonal merriment now.

Idiots

2006-12-18T14:16:00.000-05:00

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Bill Maher was fired from 'Politically Incorrect' after 9/11 for saying that the hijackers weren't cowards, but those who lob missiles at them are.

On the heels of the Iraq war, Michael Moore went on a tirade at the 2003 Oscars, calling President Bush a "ficticious president," and shouting "Shame on you!"

Johnny Depp, who lives in France, drew heat when he said: "America is dumb, it's like a dumb puppy that has big teeth that can bite and hurt you. Aggressive."

Maggie Gyllenhaal, who eventually starred in Oliver Stone's 'World Trade Center,' got in hot water for saying America "is responsible in some way" for 9/11.

The Dixie Chicks found themselves in deep water after telling a London crowd that they were "ashamed the President of the United States is from Texas."

A European newspaper quoted Gwyneth Paltrow as saying: "The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans."

Six Weird Things About Greg

2006-12-18T14:10:00.000-05:00

Here're the rules according to Stew:

Each player of this game starts with the "6 Weird Things about You." People who get tagged need to write a blog entry of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog!

1. I got two appointments to Annapolis to get my Dad to respect me. It didn’t work. But I speak and read Russian fluently now, so it wasn’t a complete waste!

2. Coulda been a priest, but I would miss my four kids. If I had to choose between having a yellow lab doggie or having a family, that would be tough.

3. I want to get my pilot's license. I like guns (don’t have any), archery (ditto), riding my bike, traveling in my RV.

4. I’ve built sets, produced and directed over 50 plays and musicals. Acted once. Wrote one play and produced it. For high schools, colleges, community and professional theaters.

5. I’ve been in over 30 countries. Navy, business, working, pleasure.

6. I no longer have much patience for Democrats, most Republicans, rigid Roman Catholics and talk show hosts. Pro-life, pro-life sentence, anti-parole. Haven’t had a drink for many one-days-at-a-time, nor a cigarette for 12 years. I am now more small “L” libertarian, and a non-joiner.

Tagged people:
George Bush. (No, on second thought, I know his six weird things. They start with "Rumsfeld".)

Crime and Imprisonment

2006-12-18T11:43:00.000-05:00

Sometimes we take government for granted.

Sometimes we just have to say, “Thank you!”

Seven million American adults are behind bars, on probation or on parole, the Justice Department says. Of those, 2.2 million are in prison or jail.

Prison releases are increasing, but thankfully admissions are increasing more.

Men still far outnumber women in prisons and jails, but the female population is growing faster.

Bleeding hearters are upset. “What about the kids left behind?”, asks Marc Mauer, executive director of the Sentencing Project, a group supporting criminal justice reform. "Misguided policies that create harsher sentences for nonviolent drug offenses are disproportionately responsible for the increasing rates of women in prisons and jails."

Yep. Misguided policies that keep criminals off the streets. Marc should look up “foster care” or “Oliver”. Either one.

According to the FBI:

The violent crime rate increased 1.3% from 2004 to 2005. From 1996 to 2005 the rate fell 26.3%.
The property crime rate decreased 2.4% from 2004 to 2005. From 1996 to 2005, the rate fell 22.9%.

8.1 percent of black men under 29 years old are in jail, compared with 2.6 percent of Hispanic men and 1.1 percent of white men. And it's not much different among women. By the end of 2005, black women were more than twice as likely as Hispanics and over three times as likely as white women to be in prison.

Please note that violent crime, property crime, crime with firearms and all crime rates are down.

Maybe, just maybe, the right people are in jail.

Naval War College

2006-12-18T11:07:00.000-05:00

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England Expects That Every Man Will something something something

Hackers hit Naval War College computer network

Battle of Trafalgar Was Being Fought Again; Now A Toss Up

In Newport, RI, hackers attacked the computer network at the Naval War College. It was down for more than two weeks.

The Naval War College bills itself as the Navy's leading center of strategic thought and national security policy. It took almost two weeks to discover the intrusion.

Wyoming

2006-12-15T15:46:00.000-05:00

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Sometimes I get up in the night, and flip on the TV in the trailer.

Last week, two movies were on at the same time about Wyoming.

Brokeback Mountain and Heaven’s Gate.

I had not seen either, so I looked up the descriptions. I kinda knew that the Gate one was about cowboys and cattle barons, and the Broke one was about a cowboy and another cowboy.

“Brokeback Mountain: A raw, powerful story of two young men, a Wyoming ranch hand and a rodeo cowboy, who meet in the summer of 1963 sheepherding in the high grasslands of contemporary Wyoming and form an unorthodox yet life-long bond, by turns ecstatic, bitter and conflicted.” In other words, gay loving.

“Heaven’s Gate: Michael Cimino's bleak anti-western based on events in 1890s Wyoming. Sheriff attempts to protect immigrant farmers from wealthy cattle barons, and also clashes with a hired gun over the woman they both love. Both men question their roles in the furious immigrant / locals conflict on the American frontier, which winds up in a brutal pitched battle.” In other words, hetero violent.

They probably showed these two movies to honor that famous Wyoming native, Dick Cheney, who will (we hope) be returning to Wyoming in put’ near two years now. The third movie will be a modified version of Mr. Smith Goes To Washington, with a cursing Al Pacino replacing James Stewart. It will commemorate Cheney’s famous salutation to Senator Patrick Leahy on the floor of the United States Senate, “Go f**k yourself.” In other words, … well, actually, I cain’t much improve on those words, I reckon.

Seattle Airport Christmas Trees

2006-12-13T14:30:00.000-05:00

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I hesitate to write about the flap in the Seattle-Tacoma airport over Christmas trees. It is still unfolding, especially if Mel Gibson goes there to confront the Rabbi.

It all started when the airport put up some Christmas trees with red bows after Thanksgiving. Then a Rabbi called to say he wanted to put up a Menorah, too, for Chanukah. The airport didn't get right back to him, so he went to the press and threatened to sue.

The airport figured if they let in the Menorah (and a ceremony to light it, a definite no-no to the Transportation Security Gestapo), well then they'd have to accomodate the Hari-Krishnas Hair Pulling Reindeer Fest, the North Korean Buddhist Missile-toe Shinto, the Iranian Nuclear Jihad Wreath Mongers, and ... well, you get the idea. So, they decided to take down the trees.

Now the Rabbi is really mad! He can't sue now, so the airport is depriving him of getting some Christmas money! And, there is a strong rumor that Mel Gibson heard about this Jew in Seattle, and, after just a couple of eggnogs, he thinks they plan to make a cross out of the wood from the Christmas trees. A very thin cross, I would think. So he's gonna fly there and "reason" with the Rabbi, who in Mel's somewhat anti-freeze state is surely behind every war in the world. So the Rabbi says, "Put the trees back up. I'm not the Grinch already. I was just meshugana about suing!"

Meanwhile, airline ticket counter people, upset that there are not many creative ways remaining to hassle the few people who still fly, decide to set up their own personally funded Christmas trees. On the counters. Right where frustrated travellers have to stand in line.

Stay tuned... Machine guns, napalm and Mel with his face painted blue and white again cannot be far behind.

Christmas Tree

2006-12-12T16:15:00.000-05:00

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I went to a great high school run by Benedictine monks. It is about 50 miles south of my temporary trailer park now, in Illinois.

Last Sunday, I drove to the abbey, which has a Christmas tree farm. I picked out a nice tree, cut it with my DeWalt sawsall (which was definitely overkill!), and threw it in the back of the truck. Tie downs? We don’ need no stinkin’ tie downs!

Then I spent about 45 minutes visiting with Father Andrew, my Latin teacher from about 43 years ago, the present head tree farmer and one of the kindest men I have ever met. He taught me to drive a farm tractor back then, to mow the acres of lawn. He let me help build a baseball field backstop, plant trees, and learn some things about farming and growing things.

Unlike me, he is getting older (!), so I’m glad we could talk a while. He told me that two other prominent teachers from my time, Father Martin and Father Luke, are not doing well and will probably die next year. So, I will make another trip soon to see them off.

Meanwhile, I got a nice tree and I paid them more than they asked (as usual). Since everything in the trailer has a place, and trees are not assigned a place, I set it up outside.

Lacy thinks it’s nice, but she worried that opening presents on Christmas morning might be a tad chilly. No problem, I told her; we’re going to my Aunt’s for Christmas Eve!

Bye, Kofi

2006-12-12T11:00:00.000-05:00

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So, Kofi Annan went all the way to Harry Truman’s Presidential Library in Independence, Missouri, to insult the U.S. and the President about the role of the U.S. in the world.

Hey, dude, that's MY country! Thoughtful criticism of the government is MY job! You're still a foreigner. Speak your derision on U.N. land.

He spoke about world peace - the world which grew steadily more combative, more genocidal, more anti-children under his ten year “leadership”.

He went there, he said, because Harry Truman believed in the U.N. Truman waged HIS war in Korea under the U.N. flag. Hey, Kofi, that war is STILL open; never was a treaty. Oh, heavens, when are you going to end it? The humanity...

I spent some time in two visits to the Truman Library when I was working in KC a few years ago. And, I’ve read his biography. I admire his Midwestern plainspokenness, and his no-nonsense manner.

He and his wife Bess would have known how to describe Kofi Annan’s visit: uppity.

2006-12-11T11:49:00.000-05:00

SNL -- Apocalypto Recut

It all becomes clear now.

Apocalypto

2006-12-07T16:58:00.000-05:00

Mel Gibson filmed the whole movie in the language called Yukatek Mayan.

Apparently he wanted to make a statement about the war in Iraq. He just didn’t want anyone to understand it.

Sure, we know that he’s gun shy. A teensy weensy drinking problem, and all the Jews get mad.

He likes subtitles? Here’s a subtitle:

. Идет рисунок

. (That’s “Go figure” in Russian. Pronounced "eedjiot reesunok".)

Two can play the subtitle game!

I fought Aramaic, Hebrew and Latin to watch The Passion of The Christ.

I have paid my dues.

I will pay to watch Apocalypto when it is shown in one of the languages I understand.

Pearl Harbor, 7 December 1941

2006-12-07T16:48:00.000-05:00

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RADM Isaac J. Kidd USN

Posthumous Congressional Medal of Honor

"For conspicuous devotion to duty, extraordinary courage, and complete disregard of his own life, during the attack on the Fleet in Pearl Harbor, Territory of Hawaii, by Japanese Forces on December 7, 1941. He immediately went to the bridge and as Commander Battleship Division ONE, courageously discharged his duties as Senior Officer Present Afloat until the USS ARIZONA, his Flagship, blew up from magazine explosions and a direct bomb hit on the bridge, which resulted in the loss of his life."

Uhhhh…. Wait a sec….

He did his job. He went to the control area of the ship, gave a bunch of orders, and got killed by a bomb.

He didn’t do anything special. Not to attack RADM Kidd - he didn't nominate himself for the Medal. But the Navy went too far. In fact, I think that RADM Kidd should never have had all of the battleships in port at once. The Fleet Commander had too many in Hawaii at once; and Kidd as Senior Officer Present Afloat (SOPA) should have dispersed those that had to be in Hawaii to other Hawaiian ports.

A lot of people died during the attack as a result of this mistake, and a lot more died in the Pacific in the two years it took for the U.S. to rebuild the fleet as a result.

Lots of other sailors, soldiers and Marines died in Pearl Harbor 65 years ago today, doing their jobs, without getting a medal. IMHO. I acknowledge the sacrifice of RADM Kidd, I honor his memory, and I hope that the Navy uses better judgment in conveying the nation's highest military honor now.

Danny DeVito on The View

2006-12-06T15:34:00.000-05:00

DeVito As He Looked In Better Days

An apparently inebriated (that is, lookin’ drunk as a skunk) Danny DeVito went on the daytime TV show The View last week, and slammed the White House, George Bush, and others. He said he was out partying all night with George Clooney.

Maybe Clooney will show up on Rush Limbaugh’s or Jesse Jackson’s shows.

IMPORTANT NOTE FOR CELEBRITIES:

Let’s slow down a little, guys. Rehab is really, really crowded now. Hell, Foley still hasn’t come out.

Of rehab, I mean.

The Onion has a timely article:

WAX-MUSEUM FIRE CREATES HUNDREDS OF NEW DANNY DEVITO STATUES

Man - Bear - Pig

2006-12-04T12:01:00.000-05:00

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Man-Bear-Pig

Yep, here’s more global warming stuff, sure enuff.

I am serial.

Because Al Gore says the climate is warming up due to human and Republican malfeasance, it snowed in Orlando, Florida, on November 21, 2006.

It was Florida's first November snowfall since 1912, when Tallahassee got flurries in November.

Yep, they must have had a lot of greenhouse gas problems back then, too.

Temperatures in the Orlando area dipped to the low 40’s the night of 11/21/2006, and were headed for the 30’s in most parts of town.

Wind chills dropped into the 20’s in parts of north Florida.

How much global warming can those poor people take?

The monster who is half man, half bear and half pig - as Al Gore also warned - cannot be far behind.

Yesterday morning at my trailer in northern Illinois, it was 3 degrees F. Today - heat wave - it was 29. We're getting another arctic blast tonight, for the next five days. Wind chills below zero.

I am super serial.

Time to Lose?

2006-12-04T11:32:00.000-05:00

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Kissinger

Just a short while ago, Henry Kissinger said winning is the only good exit strategy from Iraq.

Now he says we can’t win in Iraq.

This retread import also told Nixon we couldn’t win in Vietnam.

We gotta stop listening to this guy. He is turning us into losers. Besides, his thick un-American accent is annoying.

If we listen to him, should we also bring back Carter to negotiate the end?

Carter

He did such a number on us in Iran.

Baby, It's Cold Outside!

2006-12-01T11:19:00.000-05:00

OK, the snow was fun for a while.

Now, it’s COLD. It was 3°F on Saturday morning, 6°F on Sunday and 7°F today.

My observations are:

- This is why people do not prefer to live in trailers year round.

- My water hose is frozen. That means we are using the water stored on board. The pump comes on as I run the water, and Big Easy’s (the trailer’s) furnace keeps it from freezing. It will run out by next Monday, I think. So I will take the spare hose, and fill up the on board tank again. That is a wet, cold operation because the RV camp’s valve to my trailer is broken, so I will have to hook up the new hose as the icy cold water is flowing. Alternatively, Lacy and I drink bottled water, so if I run out and I can’t refill the trailer, I will take showers at work, and I will cook on paper plates.

- Cans of diet Coke, stored in Big Ride, will freeze and explode when exposed to 3°F temperatures for 3 or more hours. About six of them did so last night. The inside of the truck is decorated with Coke Slush. Lacy has a big job ahead of her.

- Big Easy will burn a 40 pound tank of propane in about two weeks when the temperatures are above freezing. With these cold temperatures, we just went through one in four days. I listened to the furnace last night: on for three minutes, off for thirty seconds, on for three minutes… I am also running a big electric heater in the bedroom at night, but I unplug it when I go to work. Lacy seems fine in the cooler temperatures, and I will not risk a fire with her inside alone.

- Big Easy is covered in snow and icicles. It is very pretty.

Sea World

2006-12-01T11:18:00.000-05:00

SeaWorld's Punishment For Shamu

Let THAT be a lesson for the rest of us!

The Poor Prisoners

2006-11-29T11:33:00.000-05:00

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This is the season to think of the less fortunate.

Like, the convicts in prison. Soon to be joined (if we have any luck at all) by most of the American Red Cross.

People have started many wonderful programs for prisoners.

Like, foster pets. Sending dogs to prison for the inmates to train the animals and to prepare them for adoption.

Prison Pets

Awww…. So nice. *sigh*

Just a few questions:

1. The inmates earned their jail time. What makes us think they know how a dog should behave?

2. Who trains the inmates? Aren’t they already busy with license plates?

3. I know cats are sneaky, but what did the dogs do, to be sent to prison?

Here’s another benefit for prisoners: Angel Tree partner Fellowship Riders, a Dallas-based Christian organization, will help Prison Fellowship deliver gifts to 1,620 prisoners' kids nationwide this Christmas.

Awww…. Very nice. *sigh*

We should also acknowledge the role of the prosecutors, who took that bad actor away from his or her kids, and put him or her in the slammer where they belong. Now the kids actually have a chance. It’s the gift that keeps on giving – every day that the perp is not messing up the kids, the kids have a chance to turn out right. I think a lot of them are very relieved that Pa Perp or Ma Miscreant are gone.

Troops in Iraq

2006-11-29T11:32:00.002-05:00

Troops in Iraq

The commission of Bush the First’s Friends, to try to extract sonny George the Twoth from Iraq, is currently debating troop levels.

Should the troop levels be reduced immediately in Iraq, or increased to beat down the ~~civil war~~ (oops!) insurgency?

Decisions, decisions.

Ponder, ponder and the commissioners pondered some more.

They pondered three hours, ‘til their ponderers were sore.

Then they thought of something they hadn’t before.

"We don't need to pick. We don't need to choose. If we can't win, make the other guy lose.

"We'll fly in more troops, Air Special D. We'll fly them to Baghdad, Falujah, Tikrit.

"While they're coming to town, to kill insurgents,

"We'll fly out some troops, it simply makes sense.

"We'll say to the hawks, 'We're gonna kick butt',

"While we say to the doves, 'All we need now is Love.'"

*sigh*

My work here is done.

Jesse Jackson's Great Idea

2006-11-29T11:31:00.000-05:00

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Jesse

After Michael Richards went on Jesse Jackson’s radio show, Jesse had a New Idea.

He will lean on the entertainment and music industries to ban the N-word. NPR reported this morning that Jesse also will ban the “w” word for prostitute, and the “b” word for a female dog.

To avoid constitutional problems, he won’t go for a law. He will simply lean on people to comply. With him.

This is great! Single handedly, Jackson has accomplished what we had only dreamed of.

* He has killed rap. *

(Note, I did not say “rap music”, because those two words do not belong together. Like “toilet refreshment”.)

We should all say, "Right on, Mutha-F**ker!!"

(That phrase is not included in the ban, for some reason.)

School Buses: Unsafe, Of Course

2006-11-21T12:08:00.000-05:00

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Alabama School Bus

Why don’t school buses have seatbelts and airbags?

The National Highway Traffic Safety Commission, and Loyola University’s web site, say this:

“On school buses, occupant protection is provided by 'compartmentalization,' not safety belts. Compartmentalization is the name for the protective envelope created by strong, closely-spaced seats that have energy-absorbing high seat backs that protect occupants in the event of a crash.”

THAT is why the kids in the Alabama bus crash were thrown around when the bus plunged 30 feet off an overpass, with at least three killed.

Nonsense.

Somebody has a good lobby, and is making a lot of money from not putting seatbelts in school buses.

After the crash, there was a huge pile of kids in the front of the bus. The hospitals were overwhelmed with teens who had no identification.

If the government isn’t going to require seatbelts – just lap belts would have saved lives, for goodness sake – then the government must be required to provide toe tags with the student’s name, and body bags at each seat.

Mark my words: some school bus manufacturer(s) paid pimp lobbyists to sell this bill of goods to school boards for years, and there is a lot of money involved.

Inquiring minds want to know...

A Wartime Diary

2006-11-20T15:24:00.000-05:00

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Dang Thuy Tram

National Public Radio had a piece on All Things Considered on November 15th which moved me to remember some of the Vietnamese I knew during the Vietnam War, and afterwards. Dang Thuy Tram was a brand new doctor in a North Vietnamese MASH, and she kept a diary. Here is an excerpt from Kichael Sullivan's report:

"April 30, 1968: Sadness soaks into my heart like days of rain soak into the earth. I want to find some mindless happiness, but I cannot. My mind has wrinkles already because of worry. Is there no way to erase them? Oh, why was I born a girl so rich with dreams, and with love, asking so much from life?

"Tram's diary is filled with passages like that one -- along with stories of amputating limbs and trying to avoid American planes and foot patrols which often forced her and her colleagues to move their field clinic, sometimes carrying the wounded on their backs. The diary presents the story of a young woman filled with love and yearning and self doubt. And a deep animosity toward the American invaders.

"July 25, 1968: Oh, my God. How hateful the war is. And the more hate, the more the devils are eager to fight. Why do they enjoy shooting and killing good people like us? How can they have the heart to kill all those youngsters who love life, who are struggling and living for so many hopes? "

Please go here to read the whole article: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6492819&ft=1&f=1004

Patrick O'Brian

2006-11-20T15:20:00.000-05:00

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Patrick O'Brian, Author

The playwright David Mamet wrote an appreciation of Patrick O’Brian in 2000 in the NY Times:

http://www.nytimes.com/library/books/011700mamet-writing.html

The Humble Genre Novel, Sometimes Full of Genius

For the past 30 years the greatest novelists writing in English have been genre writers: John le Carré, George Higgins and Patrick O'Brian....

Recently I put down O'Brian's sea novel "The Ionian Mission" and said to my wife, "This fellow has created characters and stories that are part of my life."

She said: "Write him a letter. He's in his 80's. Write him and thank him. And when you go to England, look him up, go tell him.

"How wonderful," she said, "to be alive, when he is still alive. Imagine living in the 1890's and being able to converse with Conan Doyle."...

Well, I saw myself talking with Patrick O'Brian. "Sir," I would have said, "what a blow, the death of Barret Bonden." (Bonden, the coxswain, half-carries the wounded Captain Aubrey from the deck of a sinking privateer: "We'd best get back to the barky, sir, as this ship's going to Kingdom Come," the closing sentence of the novel.)

"Sir," I would have said, "I've read your Aubrey-Maturin series three or four times. When I was young I scoffed at stories of the Victorians who lived for the next issue of the Strand and the next tale of Sherlock Holmes; and I scoffed at the grown women and men who plagued Conan Doyle to rescind Holmes's death at the Reichenbach Falls. But I am blessed in having, in my generation, an equally thrilling set of heroes, and your characters have become a part of my life.

"Your minor characters," I would have said, "are especially dear to me: the mad Awkward Davis; Mrs. Fielding, the inexpert spy; old Mr. Herapath, the cowardly Boston loyalist; Christy-Palliere, the gallant French sea captain; and, of course, Barret Bonden, Captain Aubrey's coxswain." And I will not say I cried at his death, but I will not say I did not....

The perfect medium for such, of course, is not the meeting, but the concise note.

So I sat at the breakfast table composing my note, and leafed through the newspaper and read of Patrick O'Brian's death.

------------------------------------------------

The books:

Master and Commander (1970)
Post Captain (1972)
HMS Surprise (1973)
The Mauritius Command (1977)
Desolation Island (1978)
The Fortune of War (1979)
The Surgeon's Mate (1980)
The Ionian Mission (1981)
Treason's Harbour (1983)
The Far Side of the World (1984)
The Reverse of the Medal (1986)
The Letter of Marque (1988)
The Thirteen-Gun Salute (1989)
The Nutmeg of Consolation (1991)
Clarissa Oakes (1993)
(The Truelove in the USA)
The Wine-Dark Sea (1993)
The Commodore (1995)
The Yellow Admiral (1996)
The Hundred Days (1998)
Blue at the Mizzen (1999)
The Final Unfinished Voyage of Jack Aubrey (2004)

Read one – any one – and, like me, you’ll be hooked.

A Scientology Wedding

2006-11-20T15:05:00.000-05:00

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TomKat. He needs a shave, and a shirt that fits.

A scientology wedding must be like an engineering symphony, or doing physics in the Louvre.

Why would you want to have test tubes, Bunsen burners, and the periodic table of the elements at your wedding?

And you don’t even wave to the folks in the small Italian town afterwards to say thanks.

And you don’t even invite the Mayor, who was going to grant you honorary citzenship before, but when you invited the Mayor of Rome but not her, she made the well-known Italian gesture of dismissal and stormed away.

There are actors, and there are bad actors.

And then there’s TomKat.

See? We Knew They Were Whackos!

2006-11-20T14:58:00.000-05:00

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Air Pollution

At a conference in Nairobi, Kenya, Nobel prize winner Paul Crutzen of the Max Planck Institute for Chemistry in Germany said that a layer of pollution delilberately spewed into the atmosphere could be just the thing to fight global warming.

He said that it could act as a "shade" from the sun's rays and help cool the planet.

Really.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/11/16/smog.warming.ap/index.html

Advice For The Love Lorn

2006-11-17T11:45:00.000-05:00

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Dear Abby:

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything.

What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job six years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one.

All he does all day is smoke cigars and cruise around with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian.

What should I do?

Signed,

Clueless

Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him.

Good grief, woman, you don't need him anymore. You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like it.

Signed,

Abby

Consistency

2006-11-16T12:24:00.000-05:00

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I love the Catholic Church.

But, it gets in trouble when the human side makes mistakes, and then imposes some Imperial Magisterium on the faithful to demand compliance. That's fine in matters of faith and morals; not so good when the subject is "admin and housekeeping".

Two recent cases in the news:

The Vatican objects strongly to the United States building a wall on the Mexican border, despite the fact that the number of deaths during illegal crossings has doubled since 1995.

Perhaps we will stop building the wall the day that the Vatican begins demolishing the walls around the Vatican city-state, erected to keep Italians out in both the medieval and the Renaissance periods. Word is that Michelangelo built some of the wall.

The Church has forbidden priests to marry since the second Lateran council in the year 1139. Before that, priests, bishops, cardinals and popes married and raised families, starting with St. Peter, the first Pope.

This doctrine does not come under the umbrella of divinely revealed truth. I know we hate to rush into things, but perhaps enough time has passed for the Church to review this again. Since we hold marriage to be sacred, in a sacrament instituted by Christ, why are the very people entrusted with spiritual leadership prohibited from it? By some estimates, there are about 150,000 married priests worldwide (20,000 in the U.S.) who are thereby excommunicated.

I enjoy sermons from celibate priests, telling me how to be a better husband and father. The last time one of them lived in a family, he was about 14 years old.

Married Priests Dot Org

Celebrity Dummy Contest

2006-11-16T12:17:00.000-05:00

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Suzanne Somers

Didn’t we just talk about not listening to actors who lecture us without scripts?

Now, Suzanne Somers, who has played a ditz for many years, has written a book.

A lot of women have finally shied away from taking hormones to reduce the effects of aging. So, Suzanne-ditz wrote a book with pseudo-medical input, entitled Ageless: The Naked Truth About Bioidentical Hormones.

Her medical input has run away, and the AMA is now calling for FDA regs on all “bioidenticals”. She went on that show of good taste and medically efficacious treatments, Larry King Live, to defend her ditziness.

Watch for two-fer sales: buy Suzanne-ditz’s book and they’ll throw in OJ’s new one for free.

Now, here's the contest: who do you think is the bioidentical ditz of Suzanne Somers?

U.S. Runways Lack Overrun Zone

2006-11-16T12:13:00.000-05:00

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Midway Overrun - 2005. Cop quote: "SOMEBODY'S gettin' this ticket!"

Over 50% of U.S. airports don't have a 1,000-foot safety zone at the end of all runways, a new report says.

My garage doesn't have one, either. Right, Muffy Snookums? Yes, yes, you're a dear, and when I married you, I knew that manual dexterity was not your Olympic event. But the brake, dear, the brake has its own friggin' pedal, doesn't it?!

Anyway.

Los Angeles, Chicago's O'Hare and Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport have more than one runway that doesn't meet safety standards, according to the Federal Aviation Administration.

OK, let's see. World-airport-codes.com lists Hartsfield's runway length as 11,889 feet. Wikipedia lists O'Hare's as 13,000 feet. It also lists typical runout requirements for commercial planes as 6,000 feet for most; 8,000 feet for widebodies and heavier planes; and 10,000 feet for international widebodies with 13,000 feet for takeoff. Slightly longer lengths for high altitude airports, like Denver.

So, they wanna add 1,000 feet to the runways? Atlanta's would then be almost 13,000 feet long. For airplanes which need 6,000 feet.

Tell me we aren't gonna land from both ends at the same time!

(Pause. Take a breath. OK.)

Hasty Rumination readers are STRONGLY encouraged to pick runways WITH overrun zones when they fly.

It’s a policy we can LIVE with!

A public service announcement from this blog.

Gay Marriage - A Solution

2006-11-16T11:43:00.000-05:00

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- Marriage ends sex for married people. *

- Aids can go from one man to another through gay sex.

- Some gay men want the right to marry each other.

- If gay men marry each other they will become like all married couples, and stop having sex.

Therefore, married gay men not having sex will not transmit aids.

SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE...

One more bullet in the fight against AIDS!

*(It’s a fact, Jack.)

Airborne, Flaming Head lice

2006-11-14T11:51:00.003-05:00

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The Stars of Our Little Story

This guy invents a “louse-buster”, a super hot air blower, not only to blow head lice out of a kid’s hair, but to dry out the little suckers so they die on the way.

The lice, people, not the kids. The lice die.

It blows a lot more air, and a lot hotter air, than a hair dryer.

Of course, you have to be careful about scorching the kid’s scalp, or setting his clothes on fire. Melted contact lenses might be a problem.

Smashed bugs on your bathroom mirror – not just for your windshield any more.

Turn off the lights when you do it. It should look like Baghdad in the early nights of the war. Airborne, flaming head lice spinning out of control...

Crowe, Mad As - Mrs. Rock

2006-11-14T11:51:00.001-05:00

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Russell Crowe, the actor, throws a telephone at a hotel bellman, goes to jail, and after settlement, apologizes, pays his fine, and says that he must vent his anger, or walking down the street one day, he will just pop.

Things like that little incident, he says, are handled much better in Australia, with a hand shake and a smile.

He says U.S. law is very likely to be mis-used in cases like his.

Letting actors speak without written lines (I've said it before) is like letting John Kerry near a live microphone.

I say let's gag him, and see if he just pops.

Crowe or Kerry, either one.

Intrepidly Stuck In The Mud

2006-11-14T11:50:00.002-05:00

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Ex-USS INTREPID

The former USS INTREPID has been pierside in Manhattan, New York for, oh, 24 years.

They decide she needs a little maintenance, across the harbor in New Jersey. $60,000,000.

So they get a bunch of tugs, a retired admiral who used to be one of the INTREPID’s skippers, a lot of dignitaries, and they make a big deal out of it. Two former mayors (Dinkins and Koch) handle the bow line.

They cast off the lines, get all six tugs pulling and the ship moves.

About 15 feet.

Then it’s stuck in 24 years of mud.

17 feet of it.

Now, they have to wait until the next spring tide (it coincides with a full moon, and has nothing to do with the season). Maybe someone will get a water cannon to pump some of the mud out of the way. And maybe lighten the ship of some of it's portable museum stuff.

And maybe get help from one of us who know about moving ships away from piers!

Boy, 9, Stops Car, Saves Family

2006-11-14T11:50:00.000-05:00

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The Reward

Jimmy Stevens was riding down a highway in Texas with his younger brother and sister when his Mom, who was driving, passed out at the wheel.

Jimmy couldn’t wake her up, so he climbed into her lap and steered the car to the shoulder. He pushed the brake pedal until the car stopped, and put the car in park.

Then he called 911 on his Mom’s cell phone.

He told the operator his Mom wasn’t breathing, and he stayed on the line as she directed EMS to the car. Jimmy kept his brother and sister calmed down while he was guiding EMS with landmarks.

The first his Mom knew about it was when she woke up in the hospital.

It’s nice to have a happy ending.

BUT:

His Mom and Dad are taking the whole family to Red Lobster, to celebrate. Jimmy has never been there, and he has always wanted to go. They told Jimmy he can have as much to eat as he wants.

I think that’s great.

They’re not sure why his mother just stopped breathing.

Let’s hope that no one in the family is allergic to seafood. From About: Allergies:

“The manifestations of fish and shellfish allergies can include those of a classic food allergy. The more common symptoms include skin, stomach, or respiratory problems. More specifically they can include nasal congestion, hives, itching, swelling, wheezing or shortness of breath, nausea, upset stomach, cramps, heart burn, gas, diarrhea, lightheadedness, or fainting.”

Enjoy, y’all!

Christmas Shopping Time

2006-11-13T17:47:00.000-05:00

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I have ordered these for Lacy.

Please don't tell her!

Chris Rock's Mom Is Some Kinda ... Angry

2006-11-08T11:02:00.000-05:00

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Cracker Barrel

Rose Rock, the mother of comedian Chris Rock, claims that a Cracker Barrel restaurant in South Carolina "racially discriminated" against her when she was seated but ignored for more than a half hour. She plans to sue.

Well, of COURSE she does!

Half an hour - sakes alive! I have NEVER had to wait that long in Cracker Barrel. Rather, I can't remember being waited on that quickly there.

Once it was more than forty-five minutes. Since then, I leave if the waitress hasn't dropped by in 10 or 15 minutes.

I didn't realize they were discriminating against me! Must be because I'm Irish-American. Or from Chicago. Or I am not gay.

She complained to the manager, who offered her and her daughter a free meal. She said that that wasn't enough.

Well, of COURSE she did!

Oh, and by the way, she has lived in South Carolina at least since her (millionaire) son was born there, so she knows where to eat and how to get service. She chose to sue Cracker Barrel over a $5.75 dinner.

Could it be that, like the old restaurant chain, Sambo's, she just doesn't like their name?

Doogey? Say It Ain't So!

2006-11-07T12:38:00.000-05:00

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Actor Neil Patrick Harris, 33, who used to play Doogie Howser M.D. on TV, says that he is gay.

Well, thanks for clearing THAT up!

He said that he outed himself because there was a lot of speculation about his life. (Translation: he was about to be outed.) Or, he announced it as kind of an advertisement. Would explain the cell phone number under his picture.

Who's next? MacAuley Caulkin? Joe Pesce?

Finally, the Day AFTER the Election

2006-11-07T12:20:00.000-05:00

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Two happy things happened in the past two weeks: Chicago Public Radio ended their *@!#*! ten day fund raising drive, and all of the campaign ads, loaded stories and pseudo analysis by candidates ended last night.

There was even a story broadcast from my Mom's home town, Great Falls, MT, this morning. See my other blog, Prompt Ruminations, for details.

'Publicans are mad because they lost the House (big time), and the Senate is close to being lost (Dam'crats picked up four of six necessary Senate seats, at this writing, with Montana and Virginia too close to call).

I have known Jim Webb since college days. He graduated from the Naval Academy in 1968, I in 1969. With only 4,000 students, it is a small college. I remember the Brigade boxing championship, when he lost to another guy in '68: Ollie North, my company commander. I like Webb the person; but I don't like the Reagan Republican SecNav who is now the opportunistic Democrat candidate for the Senate. He's acting too much like a politician.

Overall, I am happy. I agree with Thomas Paine (1737-1809), who said, "That government is best which governs least *." I was therefore somewhat happy with this so-called "do nothing Congress". But I prefer the Congress like this new one: closely balanced, while controlled by the opposite party from the one in the White House.

The election also reminded me of fundamental American strengths. Sure, we are folks who listen to Howard Stern, Madeline Murray O'Hare and (*brrrrr!*) John Kerry. But we also value education, religion and treating children with love and firm guidance. We really are slow to anger. Look how patient the American people have been with the government's failures on bin Laden, health care and tax breaks for millionaires. We all knew that the President wanted to get Saddam because the President's father failed to, and look how patient we've been on that one. We even let a Secretary of Defense repeat the errors of the Vietnam war without our burning down the Pentagon. Yet.

Mind you, I most often vote Republican. But I am quickly becoming more libertarian. With a small "L".

Slow to anger, yes. But, once our dander is up... well, ask the Japanese from the 1940's, the Germans from 1917 or 1945, or Saddam today. Hugo Chavez should take note.

Not that a change of parties is going to be any better. The stereotype of American men is that they refuse to ask for directions, and for American women is that they talk, talk, talk. Well, finally, a woman has risen to be Speaker of the House, and so the House may never adjourn again.

It isn't the change of parties. It is that we once again have a dynamic tension between Congress and the Executive. We tend to get fewer laws that way, a few more American solutions that way, and delightful stalemates on the trivial.

* He also said, "These are the times that try men's souls", and "If we don't hang together, we will surely hang separately."

Jon Carry

2006-11-06T10:41:00.001-05:00

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Halp!

Everyone else has run this picture on his blog, so I will, too.

What few know is that the soldiers had some help making the sign.

Remember this one?

Sign-Maker-in-Chief

Yep. 'Ceptin this time, he used his own spell checker.

Abu Ghraib

2006-11-06T10:41:00.000-05:00

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Lt. Gen. Ricardo Sanchez, who commanded all U.S. forces in Iraq for a year, retired from the Army November 1. He pointed to the Abu Ghraib prison scandal as “the key reason, the sole reason, that I was forced to retire. I was essentially not offered another position in either a three-star or four-star command."

Gen Sanchez

The 55-year-old retired in a formal ceremony at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio. He served in the military for 33 years.

Brigadeer General Janis Karpinski was demoted to the rank of colonel in May 2005, for dereliction of duty, lying to investigators, failure to obey a lawful order and – hold on to your hats - shoplifting. Karpinski had failed to inform the Army about an earlier arrest on an Air Force base on the misdemeanour charge.

BG (Now Colonel) Karpinski

She was the commander of three large US- and British-led prisons in Iraq in 2003, eight battalions, and 3400 Army reservists. Sanchez was her boss. At least, as much as anyone was.

Sanchez and Karpinski can, of course, say what they want. So can I.

Karpinski should have been given a bad conduct discharge and prison time. Sanchez is lying about the scandal bringing him down. It was his poor performance in the scandal – his failure to stop it, to investigate, to fire and to punish the criminals like Karpinski and her flunkies – which stopped his career.

I’m amazed that they kept him around as long as they did.

The Army apparently still has problems handling minorities – women and Hispanics – on the same basis as they handle white folks. After all these years, you still make out better if you are a minority or a woman.

Farewell, Cruel World

2006-11-06T10:40:00.000-05:00

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Mary Cheney, the VP's daughter, and Mel Raines, his political director, are with the Vice President at a hunting lodge near Pierre, SD, on election day.

For those new to South Dakota, we pronounce it "peer".

We wish Dick happy hunting.

We wish Mary and Mel a well stocked bomb shelter, locked by them from inside, until the election is over and the shooting stops.

Radical Idea

2006-11-06T10:28:00.000-05:00

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Cabinet

I wonder how much good a Secretary of Anything does in his third, fourth or eighth year on the job. And I think that most will agree that there are more than a handful who do more harm than good after a while.

How about...

Term Limits, for cabinet secretaries and heads of agencies, like CIA, FBI, NSA, etc.?

And their assistants, under secretaries, and all political appointees.

Say, two years. And the outgoing honcho is not eligible for another equivalent, high level political post until there is a new administration.

Gorbal Warming

2006-10-31T13:48:00.000-05:00

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The Brits put out a report on Monday that Global Warming will devastate the world economy on the scale of the world wars and the Great Depression.

Not to mention Noah's flood.

The UK Treasury Chief commissioned the report. Not the scientists, not the academics nor the Ministry of Magic. The accountant. The bean counter. The nerd with the green visor.

This dude said that ex-VP Al Gore has spent a lot of time running in circles about global warming, and so Gore will advise the British government on climate change.

And also ManBearPig, which is equally threatening.

Manbearpig

Hubbel Telescope

2006-10-31T11:16:00.001-05:00

Hubbel Telescope

Well, here is the grand-bull-moose mother-of-all Rush-Limbaugh quandries in the known universe:

The Hubbel space telescope is one of the greatest things we have ever made to explore the universe. In a league with the Voyager space craft.

The only outfit which can apparently fix it is … NASA. Yeah, the ones who are Not Actually Smart Anymore.

Except for the boss. Michael Griffin, who replaced Sean O’Keefe, worked on Hubbel and is leading the effort for another fix-it mission. O’Keefe was in over his head just driving to work every day.

The news is pretty scant on what needs to be done. Five consecutive space walks, repairing a sensitive instrument on the telescope instead of in the lab, and that’s about all we know. What we are told is that it needs to be done, badly.

Well, in that case, I agree that NASA should try to fix it. I can think of no one else who can do this job as badly as NASA.

Short, Short Stories

2006-10-31T11:16:00.000-05:00

Short (!) Story

Here’s a challenge. Write a short story.

A very short story.

Very.

Six words.

Here is my set of Very Short Stories, to get you started (1).

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Love you forever. Don’t call me.

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When she’s grown, I’m outta here.

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Just cock the hammer, like this.

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Oops. Now the jet is inverted.

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Iraq to Korea? About 12 minutes.

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DON'T drink that … well, never mind.

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If you’re sick, use my purse.

1. (Reg.U.S.Pat.Off., amazon.com contract pending; would I lie about that?)

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So, let's see your short, short stories.

Limbaugh on shaky ground with Fox

2006-10-31T11:01:00.000-05:00

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Limbaugh

The Rush Limbaugh / Michael J. Fox controversy is foolish at the core.

Fox admits that he goes off his pills before testifying to Congress, so that they can better see the effects of Parkinson's disease.

As if they'd notice anything unusual in a witness who fidgets.

And Limbaugh, who should get on satellite radio with the person he most resembles, Howard Stern, offers a conditional non-apology apology to Fox for saying that Fox must either have been off his meds or acting during the campaign video.

Limbaugh knows about that. Remember when he was busted for getting painkillers illegally?

When Limbaugh goes off those pills, he becomes a real pain.

Doctors now tell us that the violent shaking seen in the Fox ad is a side effect of his medication. The medication allows him to walk and to talk coherently, with the shaking as a tradeoff.

The use of embryonic stem cells for research is presently legal, and funded in the federal, state and private arenas. Since 2001, federal funds cannot be used for new stem cell lines. In 2004, California voters approved a $3 billion bond for embryonic stem cell research. New Jersey, Massachusetts and many other states, pharmaceutical companies and foreign countries are starting vigorous programs.

If Fox doesn't like that, maybe he should move to another country. He's done that before. And he should take Rush with him!

Laurel shouldn't go anywhere without Hardy.

Witches

2006-10-31T10:51:00.000-05:00

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Vice President Dick Cheney said that the Bush administration doesn’t frown on waterboarding. He said it’s not torture.

Water boarding

It creates a drowning sensation.

It sounds like someone has been watching old Monty Python movies.

Monty Python - The Holy Grail

BEDEVERE: What do you burn apart from witches?
VILLAGER #2: Wood!
BEDEVERE: So, why do witches burn?
[pause]
VILLAGER #3: B--... 'cause they're made of... wood?
BEDEVERE: Good! Heh heh.
BEDEVERE: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?

Witch ... Oops!

VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.
BEDEVERE: Does wood sink in water?
VILLAGER #1: No. No.
VILLAGER #2: No, it floats! It floats!
BEDEVERE: What also floats in water?

Pumpkin sculpture

VILLAGER #1: Bread!
VILLAGER #2: Apples!
VILLAGER #3: Uh, very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1: Cider!
VILLAGER #2: Uh, gra-- gravy!
VILLAGER #1: Cherries!
VILLAGER #2: Mud!
ARTHUR: A duck!
CROWD: Oooh.
BEDEVERE: Exactly. So, logically...
VILLAGER #1: If... she... weighs... the same as a duck,... she's made of wood.
BEDEVERE: And therefore?
VILLAGER #2: A witch!

Here Comes...

2006-10-25T11:36:00.000-04:00

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(NPR) “South Dakotans will vote next month on a proposed state constitutional amendment that would strip judges, jurors, and other state officials of their immunity from lawsuits for their official actions. The proposal has alarmed not only judges, but also large swathes of South Dakota society.”

The idea of setting up a state wide special grand jury of 12 randomly selected people (who cannot be lawyers or judges) to hear appeals comes from California, and a guy who could not afford to get the number of signatures in California for the November ballot. It’s cheaper in South Dakota. It’s called Jail for Judges.

All special interests are upset: not just judges and lawyers (of course), but also the teachers’ union, car dealers, agri-farm multinationals – everyone who could have a landmark case costing millions of dollars overturned by twelve “amateurs”.

Actually, the Grand Jury won’t overturn the cases. If the bill is approved, the Grand Jury could determine that the judge did something unlawful, and therefore remove his or her immunity from prosecution. Retrying the case, and conviction of the judge, would have to follow in separate trials with their own judges, juries, lawyers and what not.

It looks interesting… if we take it beyond the “remove immunity and re-try the case” step.

Say the teachers’ union wins a close decision in a non-jury case against the Podunk, S.D. school board. As a result, say, to correct years of discrimination, the judge decides that the next ten teachers hired in Podunk must be Muslims. The Judge turns out to be George Smith, a part-time professor at the teachers' college, but his new name is Abdul Hasan Bani Sadr, he having just converted to Islam.

It’s possible that any citizen could convince the Grand Jury to allow the school board to sue the judge for any number of reasons, including failure to recuse himself.

So, what’s the benefit? Knowing the potential for problems, the union might decide not to bring the case to court at all, but to negotiate with the school board.

Hey, not bad! We just took a step away from suing everyone in sight everytime Martha gets a hangnail!

Maybe this is what it takes. It’s for sure that today the lawyers have no incentive to work it out on their own.

Elections

2006-10-25T11:14:00.000-04:00

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I think that the last time I voted for someone was for Ronald Reagan. Yet, I have voted in each presidential election since I came of age.

Like W.C. Fields, I find that I most often vote against someone.

I voted against Hubert Humphrey, and Nixon got elected.
I voted against George Mcgovern, and Nixon won.
I voted against Jimmy Carter, but he won.
I voted for Ronald Reagan, twice, and he won.
I voted against Michael Dukakis, and the senior George Bush won.
I voted against Bill Clinton, but he won.
I voted against Bob Dole, and Clinton won.
I voted against Al Gore, and the junior George Bush won.
I voted against John Kerry, and W won again.

That’s why it’s a problem for me when someone says, accusingly, to me, “Look what a bone-headed play your guy just made! What a dolt you put into office.”

I want to answer, “Hey, wait! The only way our system lets me vote AGAINST someone is to vote FOR the other guy! Don’t make me try to defend that guy. I just think that, as bad as it is now, it would be even worse under the other guy!”

It’s not the lesser of two evils; it’s the least objectionable of what’s there!

Or the least dangerous.

And that’s pretty bad.

Our Friend Mel

2006-10-25T11:01:00.000-04:00

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Mel

You gotta try this.

Mel Gibson Dress Up

The Pope Does It Again!

2006-10-24T18:32:00.000-04:00

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First it was the speech in a German university, which riled up all of the Muslims.

Now Pope Benedict addressed the faculty and students at a university in Rome, and told them that if they believe only in artificial intelligence and technology, ignoring a deeper vision and morality, they will be like Icarus.

The ancient Greek myth tells us that Icarus escaped Crete by making wings of wax and feathers, but his excessive pride made him fly too closely to the sun. The wax melted, and Icarus crashed to his death.

Didn’t the Pope hear about the Airbus A380 problems this week? An extra year’s delay, rampant cost overruns, and customer cancellations?

Is now a good time to talk about “crashing” and “the wings coming off?”

Global OMG Warming!

2006-10-24T17:06:00.000-04:00

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According to Al Gore and his movie, Inconvenient Truth, because we're in danger and he's in doubt, we should run in circles, scream and shout.

Global warming is melting everything!

Check out the one million year temperature cycles in the chart below, please. In the past 1,000,000 years or so, there have been at least seven or eight glacial periods, when things froze up. There were eight or more hot times, interglacial periods, when glaciers and snow packs melted. Right now, we're heating up from the last glacial period and, as usual, things are melting. Check it out here.

Now, here's a closeup of the last 140,000 years. Notice the two coldest times - 130,000 years ago, and 20,000 years ago. The glaciers we have left now were frozen up about 20,000 years ago. And now, it's warming up again. As usual.

Please stop telling me that Big Ride (my truck) is melting the glaciers in Alaska.

But please don't tell Al Gore. It would just confuse him.

Amnesia, and I Forget What Else

2006-10-24T14:54:00.000-04:00

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Amnesia

The following appeared in a story about the amnesiac man who has been "claimed" by his alleged fiancee:

Do you know anyone who has suffered from amnesia?
___ Yes
___ No

I think that they should have included a third answer, but right now I forget what I was going to say.

And, what if the female is really Jefferina Dahmer? She just waits for an appetizing amnesiac to appear, then she warms up the oven and claims him. Who would know?

Killer Stingray Redux

2006-10-24T14:49:00.001-04:00

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Ray

Stingray Leaps Into Boat, Stabs Man in Chest

Did you see that story last week? Left its long barb stuck in him.

It’s beginning to look like a pattern: first Steve Irwin, now this guy.

Why isn’t Corvette doing some creative marketing already?

Fraggle Rock, The Movie

2006-10-24T12:45:00.000-04:00

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Our hit TV show from the 80’s is being developed by Ahmet Zappa into a full-length musical fantasy starring the classic characters.

He’s a son of Frank Zappa.

Zappa will get musician friends to write original songs for the movie. The original Henson puppets will be refurbished and updated for the film; no computer graphics, they say.

Disney bought the Muppets, but not the Fraggles!

Congress Is Corrupt? Say It Ain't So, Joe!

2006-10-24T12:25:00.000-04:00

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My Congressman or Senator

Half of all Americans believe most members of Congress are corrupt, according to a new poll released Thursday by CNN.

That’s good news. It means that the men and women in Congress could only bribe half of the people polled to say “No problem.”

The other half either voted their conscience, or refused the bribe because it wasn't big enough.

The General Has Crystal Balls

2006-10-24T12:24:00.002-04:00

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Gen. Casey and the Ambassador

General George Casey, Rumsfeld’s four star in charge of Iraq, repeated yesterday what he said a couple of weeks ago: it will take a year and a half for Iraqis to take over peace keeping from the U.S., and another year or so of U.S. support when called on after that.

"We are about 75 percent of the way through a three-step process in building those (Iraqi) forces. It is going to take another 12 to 18 months or so till I believe the Iraqi security forces are completely capable of taking over responsibility for their own security that's still coupled with some level of support from us," Casey said.

Your author has some not insignificant military experience, so here is my perspective on his statement:

- Military officers and enlisted folks are not trained to think in terms of one year from now. Everything in our experience is short range, from the time we join up until the time we retire. In our early years, tours of duty are typically 12 to 18 months long, and we do not dwell on the next duty station until about a month in advance. After thirteen years in the Navy, the longest time I had spent at any duty station was 24 months. Often only people past 20 years of service get tour lengths of four years – sometimes.

- The military does not frown on long time estimates – “How long will it take to fix this?”; “How much longer do you need to re-train that guy?” No, it does not frown; it snarls. Casey’s 12 to 18 months is not his estimate, because it goes against everything he has learned, and against everything he has taught. That’s because he has no backup, no details, no schedule of what happens week-by-week, month-by-month to teach Iraqis how to protect their own country. That’s remarkable, because almost all Iraqis have spent three-quarters of their lives or more in the middle of one war or another. How much training do these former soldiers need?

- 12 to 18 months is a very convenient number. If you say six months, some reporter will come back in six months and ask you about it again. In 18 months, the Defense Department retains a lot of wiggle room, and some reporters and most Americans will have forgotten about it.

- So, that estimate can only be Rummy’s party line.

- W said that this Iraq thing won’t end during his second term, which has two more years to run.

This is smelling more and more like Vietnam when I was there. Someone will find some footage of General William Westmoreland saying the same things in Saigon that they are saying today in Baghdad. The parallels between SecDef Robert McNamara and Don Rumsfeld are spookier than Nightmare on Elm Street, especially when you watch each of them wrestling with the truth to try to get a different truth out of it.

Our military is the best in the world at training, at joining the battle and at delivering a serious whupping to all the bad guys. We do not train our youngsters to be policemen. We have the smallest Department of Defense since it was established in the 1940's. It is wrong to use the finest, most precision, best fighting force in the history of the world to shovel this stuff.

You get to the point that when one of these civilian leader dudes tells you the sky is blue, you have to step outside to see for yourself.

Lacy is Ready

2006-10-23T15:24:00.000-04:00

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We worked on Lacy's costume this weekend.

She can't wait!

A Different View

2006-10-23T15:19:00.000-04:00

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Daniel Radcliffe, the lead in the Harry Potter movies, 17 years old, has taken a part in the London stage production of “Equus”. His character will ride a horse naked on stage.

Not a naked horse. Try to keep up here.

I guess the Übergruppe Führer and Control Freq J.K. Rowling, the author, missed this one in the contracts. She required (a) only English actors, (b) filming only in soddy ol’ England and (c) her personal approval of both the screenwriters and the script before filming. Probably approval of the final cut, salaries, selection of director etc., etc.

Maybe she should have required that the actors behave themselves while they are under contract. Most responsible producers do.

The only one happy about this is Danny Radcliffe.

Oh, and ex-Congressman Mark Foley, who is trying to get tickets.

The Best Trailer Park Dog

2006-10-19T13:02:00.000-04:00

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Here is Lacy in Big Easy (the trailer) this morning. After her walk, and before her breakfast.

This IS my smile!

She's very patient. She likes to stretch out on the couch and snooze while I am at work.

What's that sound?

It's nice that the trailer is so big - she can run around and chase after things.

Yes, a Milkbone!

For dinner, she gets Eukanuba Low Fat for Large Breed Dogs with her chicken breast, and a mix of Milkbones for breakfast. I used to make Milkbone, so I know it's great for her.

She's a wonderful friend!

Bye Bye, Grandma

2006-10-18T11:59:00.000-04:00

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One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Bye bye, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but he was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Bye bye, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really concerned now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Bye bye, Daddy."

Now the father was scared. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's office early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help.

"We found the milkman dead on the porch this morning."

A Different Kind of Jolt

2006-10-18T11:58:00.001-04:00

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In a surprise move, coffee giant Starbucks has recalled 73,000 eight cup coffee brewers sold at its shops for use in homes and offices.

They said that the coffee makers, made in China (maybe sub-contracted to North Korea?), have defective wiring. They were sold for $100.

Yeah, right. How much coffee do they drink in China or North Korea, you think?

Could it be that someone finally added it up: Eight cups a day times 73,000 at $4 a cup… “Good grief, we could have been selling these guys Moca Loca Fattay Latte instead of letting them make their own! We’re losing billions of dollars!”

So if you return the melted-down coffee maker, they will give you … wait for it … a free pound of coffee!

“Now, what am I supposed to do with THAT?”

Great Cockpit Conversations

2006-10-18T11:58:00.000-04:00

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These quotations may be real. Or not.

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles."
Delta 351: "Can you give us another hint? We have only digital watches."

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff line: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

Control tower to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this.... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and had a very long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower said: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running rough. Air Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a twangy New York accent): "Because you lost the friggin’ war."

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are known as short tempered. They not only expect a pilot to know his gate location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and an American 747, call sign American 206.
206: "Frankfurt, 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "206, do you not know where you are going?"
206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with arrogant impatience): " 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark...... and I didn't land."

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

US Air 2771: "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

Baby Madonna

2006-10-18T11:30:00.000-04:00

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Here it is, folks. The first picture of David, Madonna’s souvenir from Africa.

Infant?! The blanket doesn't even cover his leg.

He's not really shaped like the Elephant Man, I hope.

David Madonna and Stranger

(When she does the crucifixion scene in her new show, do you think that they'll use real nails?)

Rare Meteorite May Have Been Found

2006-10-17T12:55:00.000-04:00

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Meteorologists lift what they claim is a "meteorite" in Kansas

GREENSBURG, Kansas

Scientists found a rare meteorite in a Kansas field using ground penetrating radar.

Maybe not so rare. This is part of the 1882 Brenham fall, and they’ve found a few meteorites there over the years. 15,000 pounds worth.

With characteristic precision, the “astrogeologists” were able to debunk prevailing wisdom that the spectacular Brenham meteorite fall occurred 20,000 years ago. Its location in the Pleistocene epoch soil layer puts that date closer to 10,000 years ago.

Well, I could have told ‘em THAT.

Of course, the field is on a farm, and the farmer admitted churning up the soil pretty well every year before planting wheat. “Pleistocene, pliocene, holocene, Calvin Coolidge era – they’re all purty much mixed together now,” he said, spitting some tobaccy.

The ground penetrating radar is cool. It's actually a police radar gun, which Officer Clem hasn't noticed as missing yet. It first latched onto something that gave a very strong signal. They followed it for a few miles – “Could be very big,” someone excitedly observed – until they found out it was a steel cable going to a 7-Eleven Store.

Not shown in the picture is Bossy, a 1,300 pound Angus cow who was standing nearby, snacking from a barrel of Metamucil, and eyeing the “meteorite” warily. She apparently had had a long, difficult night, and wanted to stay as far away as possible from that thing.

Lacy and the New Home

2006-10-16T11:48:00.001-04:00

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Brenda raised a good point about the last post: maybe Lacy wouldn't be comfortable making our new home in the Vatican, if there aren't a lot of trees.

Rome, as you see above, has some trees, though a lot of them were used to make anti-elephant barriers during Hannibals invasions, and the Romans used most of the rest to make crosses to kill Christians.

Of course, girl dogs like Lacy don't need trees or fire hydrants to, uhm, relieve themselves. They just kinda squat down...

The folks who may be our new landlords always put up one special tree at Christmas time, which Lacy would like a lot:

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And, as to pictures, Lacy got her autumn bath today, so she should be ready to pose for new portraits tonight! (The trailer should have dried out by then.)

Only Fair, After All

2006-10-13T16:07:00.000-04:00

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The teenage girl from Vienna, Austria, who was held captive for eight years said that she wants ownership of the house where she was held prisoner.

In light of Foley's late revelation that, among other woes, he was molested by a member of the clergy, I wonder if it is too late for me to claim that, too. If I did, they could give me a nice place of my own, and we'd call it even.

Say, this place:

Lacy would LOVE it!

Hasty Ruminations

Stress: Your Body's Way of Messing You Up

In a Nutshell

Read Carefurry

Too cold!

Headlines

Self Inflicted

Behind the Scenes

Cutting Off Your Nose...

Reunited Family, Now Change His Name

Good Writing, Part II

Read This

Superbowl

Tarot or Not Tarot

You are The Sun

State of the Union

Oh, My Gosh!

They LOST Money?!

The Doomsday Clock

Johnny Depp

What Happened?

Inconvenient? Naaah....

Iraqi Justice

Rodham-Clinton Flying to Iraq

Don' Cry For Me, Argentina

New Voices Heard

Idiots Out, Clothes Pins In

Gotta Feel A Whole Lot Safer Now

Kids' View of Science

Judges Whine For More Pay

How I Spent My Christmas Vacation

Anagrams

Swearing In

Artistic Respite

Idiots

Six Weird Things About Greg

Crime and Imprisonment

Naval War College

Wyoming

Seattle Airport Christmas Trees

Christmas Tree

Bye, Kofi

Apocalypto

Pearl Harbor, 7 December 1941

Danny DeVito on The View

Man - Bear - Pig

Time to Lose?

Baby, It's Cold Outside!

Sea World

The Poor Prisoners

Troops in Iraq

Jesse Jackson's Great Idea

More Red Cross Problems

School Buses: Unsafe, Of Course

A Wartime Diary

Patrick O'Brian

A Scientology Wedding

See? We Knew They Were Whackos!

Advice For The Love Lorn

Consistency

Celebrity Dummy Contest

U.S. Runways Lack Overrun Zone

Gay Marriage - A Solution

Airborne, Flaming Head lice

Crowe, Mad As - Mrs. Rock

Intrepidly Stuck In The Mud

Boy, 9, Stops Car, Saves Family

Christmas Shopping Time

Chris Rock's Mom Is Some Kinda ... Angry

Doogey? Say It Ain't So!

Finally, the Day AFTER the Election

Jon Carry

Abu Ghraib

Farewell, Cruel World

Radical Idea

Gorbal Warming

Hubbel Telescope

Short, Short Stories

Limbaugh on shaky ground with Fox

Witches