Hasty Ruminations

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Tuesday, February 01, 2005

It's Just Too Much

A prominent Democrat, forced to carry a burdensome liberal agenda without working up to it, collapsed yesterday and apparently required both physical and idealogical assistance.

Senator Hillary Clinton, 57, was trying to address a women's group, "Taking Action Politically", when she fainted, according to a Clinton spokesman, Philippe Reines. Messieur Reines said the senator was not taken to the hospital. He said Mrs. Clinton, who was appearing at the private Saturn Club in Buffalo, received immediate medical attention there.

Posted by Hello

People at the Saturn Club said that Mrs. Clinton appeared unsteady almost from the moment she began speaking. It was as if the club's symbol, Saturn with its rings within rings within rings, started working on the windmills in her mind, as she tilts across the landscape for her huge liberal agenda against the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy. As she was dragged from the hall, little snippets could be heard escaping her barely moving lips as if she was chanting the Teddy Kennedy Mantra: "A circle in a spiral... a wheel within a wheel... Never ending or beginning... on an ever-spinning reel... as the images unwind... like the circles that you find... In the windmills of your mind..."

Philippe, whose very French-ness conjures up images of Jackie Kennedy and the Ah New Ah Fronteeah, knows that Clinton's recent overtures to unite baby killing pro-abortionists with smugly self righteous anti-woman's choice papists would tax even Teddy. Thinking of Teddy inevitably recalls memories of him during yet another scandal involving his nephew, standing in the family's Palm Beach cottage rotunda, drink in hand, with boxer shorts (the flesh colored ones with little squiggly blue and red threads running through them like the threads in U.S. paper money) under his Hawaiian muu-muu shirt, mumbling, "Shorts? I ain't wearing no stinkin' shorts."). And boxer shorts leads to thoughts about the anti-liberal column being drafted to expose Barbara Boxer's most outrageous meanderings, as if one could actually sip water from such a wide-open fire hose.

Yes, that's a LOT to try to swallow without pacing yourself, Mrs. Clinton.


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