Hollywood Squares
Another good one from Silver Fox:
This is an oldie but a goodie that has been around for more than a year. I think it's still one of the funniest items on the internet...I can just visualize ol Charlie Weaver and Paul Lynde giving their responses without missing a beat.
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring tears to your eyes. Responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions...
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh
This is an oldie but a goodie that has been around for more than a year. I think it's still one of the funniest items on the internet...I can just visualize ol Charlie Weaver and Paul Lynde giving their responses without missing a beat.
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring tears to your eyes. Responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions...
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh
posted by Greg Finnegan @ 9:36 AM
8 Comments:
At 11:34 PM,
kenju said…
Greg, I remember the "old" Hollywood Squares. I used to laugh so much that I missed half the quips. I needed a good belly laugh today - and you provided it. Thanks!
At 11:00 AM,
Unknown said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
At 11:00 AM,
Unknown said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
At 11:01 AM,
Unknown said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
At 11:05 AM,
Unknown said…
Greg, these are so funny!
I can't remember who Rose Marie is, though I should. The only female I can ever remember being on there was Joanne Worley.
*Going to Google to find a pic of Rose Marie*
OH YEAH! I remember now!
At 11:06 AM,
Unknown said…
Sorry, Greg, the comments were acting up again.
I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS!
At 10:20 PM,
Mellie Helen said…
I always enjoyed Hollywood Squares, and ADORED Paul Lynde's responses and how he delivered them. These were so funny to read, Greg. I would love to read tons more of these. I suppose the old HS show runs on a Game Show network, but since we don't get broadcast/cable/satellite in our home, I wouldn't see it. THANK YOU for sharing these with us -- do it again if you can!!
At 3:49 AM,
Greg Finnegan said…
Brenda, not to worry. I like a lot of comments!
Mellie, actually, I was a little reluctant to post this on my mostly G / PG rated site. There's a little bathroom humor and sexual innuendo that
I of course find funny, but I hesitate to post. But then I remembered
it was on broadcast TV, so ... what the heck! I enjoyed these, too!
I wonder if there wasn't some time editing done after the show was
taped, to remove the time it may have taken for some of these comics
to forumlate a funny response. I wouldn't mind if it took an hour to
tape it, and then they punched it up and edited it down to 30 minutes
including commercials. It would also help to remove some of the more
risque comments. George Gobel - who would've thought he had a smut
mind (llike me?!)?
-Greg
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