Crusty Submarine Sailor

From Gary:

An old Submarine sailor walked into a bar. As he sat sipping his drink, a young, good looking woman sat down next to him. She turned to the old guy and saw the dolphins on his ball cap and the baseball warm-up jacket he was wearing, and asked, "Are you a real Submarine sailor?"

He replied, "Well, my father, two brothers and a third cousin were on the "boats". I've spent my whole life, riding "boats". Snorkeling, deep dives, Diesel Boats, Nuclear Power, Med Runs, Northern Runs, Deterrent Missile Patrols, Arctic Runs, SPECOPS, WESTPACs, runs to the Caribbean, Halifax, Faslane, Holy Loch, Rota, Naples, 2 day runs, Blue Crew, Gold Crew, the other crew, 90 day patrols, 6 month deployments, been through the "ditch" across theequator, under the ice, and up to the pole. Pearl, Yokosuka, Subic, Guam, La Madd, Fort Lauderdale, San Juan, tracked Ruskies, dodged P-3s, been depthcharged, torpedoed, tracked with active SONAR, detected by SOSUS, built them, decommissioned them, overhauled them, re-commisioned them, been a Blue Nose, a Shellback, blown from test depth, gone emergency deep, rode Tridents, 688s, 637s, 594s, Skipjack and Franklin class, drug runs, liquor runs, crazy Ivans, been in trail, used a Steinke hood, been through the tower, dodged Russian air power, fought flooding, fires, reactor scrams, stood watch on the Ballast Control Panel, Ships Control Panel, Electric Control Panel, Garbage Disposal Unit and Trash Disposal Unit. I got dolphins, a combat patrol pin, deterrent patrol pin and "Diesel Boats Forever" tattooed on my chest, "THRESHER" on my left arm, "SCORPION" on my right arm, Missiles on my back, and twin counter rotating screws on my ass. I've drank beer at the Horse and Cow, scotch at Highland Mary's in Dunoon, wine in Naples, puked at Beaman's Center in Pearl, ate chili at The SUBVETS, drank whiskey at Rosie's in Groton and I ain't missed a Submarine Ball since 1956, so yes, I guess I am a Submarine sailor."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think about women."

The two sat sipping their drinks in silence. A little later, a man sat down on the other side of the old Submariner, noticed his ball cap and jacket and said, "You must be a Submariner."

The old boy replies, "Well, I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."