Hasty Ruminations

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Wednesday, October 11, 2006

The Lighter Side of the News

It is October 12th, and it is snowing in Waukegan, IL. I'm at work, and Lacy is, no doubt, bouncing off the walls in the trailer, desperate to get outside to play!


In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on Sunday, so a team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.

Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.


The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the cute little animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.

A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.


A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to knock him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.

Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.


Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs rioted and charged through a broken fence, stampeding madly.

The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.


Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "Return to Sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it.

They took up a collection. Not FOR him; OF him.


Thanks to Steve C. for this great collection.


  • At 10:58 AM, Blogger Greg Finnegan said…

    Yes, I know. Except for the bit about Waukegan, this was all debunked on snopes.com, the Urban Legends Reference Page.

    I still think that they are worth a laugh! After all, just look at what passes for "news" today!


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